I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize