I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
