Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
