Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They took my balls.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
