I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
