Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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