i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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