..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
