from now on my penis is your penis
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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