I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
