I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
