She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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