i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
