it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
