____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
