Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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