I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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