I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
