I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
