I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
