he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
