I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
