Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
