Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
