I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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