I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
