btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize