Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
