shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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