I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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