My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
