I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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