I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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