Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
