Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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