I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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