Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize