I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
