So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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