Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
