Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
