party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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