If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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