so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
