I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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