why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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