thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
