Where is the hickey?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
me + whiskey = a bad person
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
