he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
