I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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