It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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