i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dick very happy bro
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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