I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
