I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
