Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize