We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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