I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
