Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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