You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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