Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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