she smelled like a LAN party
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
