did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize