Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Duck Duck Cougar?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
