Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
