No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
