Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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