Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
