So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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