you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
