please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
