I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
